Monthly Archives: September 2004

This is a copy of an original post from my my old forum

Oh sweety some days it's just so hard. Theres not a day, and hour, a minute goes by that I don't feel the pain and grief.  I wonder at times how much longer I can hang on like this. You were half of me, there's now a hole that will never be filled.  God how I miss your touch.. your hugs, the comfort and love I found in your arms.  I look around and the memories are everywhere. You left us so many. I thank God for them, and you. We were together all the time.  You were my life, how do I go on now? What do I do?  I try to make it hour to hour, I can't even look ahead more than a day at a time. I find myself breaking down at the oddest times. I don't think those who haven't lost a spouse can even begin to know the  how dark a soul can get when their life's love is taken away.  
 I don't like this baby. It's not right, it's unfair and I hate having to go on without you. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything like that, but the desire to live is no where to be found.  I guess I'm just having a self pity party tonight. I just want to talk to you, and hug you and kiss you good night.
I miss you so much Gretchen,  
 
Loving you always
Chester

This is an original post from my my old forum

I have had a few instances and occurences happen over the last couple of months, maybe they are just coincidence, but I like to think that they are signs she sends to let me know she's there. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but it helps me get through.

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This is an original post from my my old forum

It's been rough having to go through all the steps necessary to set things right on paper. I had support the first few days with my Mom starting the paperwork process with the insurance , social security and our retirment account at work. I've had to contact all the financial people, banks, loans etc and report her death and have her name removed from the accounts. Luckily most everything was held jointly so all ahs gone smoothly, although each time I contacted someone it took a heavy toll on me. I had to space things out to one every few days. I just couldn't deal with more than that.  
 The only thing that was solely in her name was her car. I had to apply for a title transfer, made easier by visiting the clerk of court who prepared the necessary paperwork for me to take to the DMV. Luckily Gretchen and the clerk of courts had gone to school together, so this made it so much easier to deal with knowing I was with someone who knew Gretchen and thought a lot about her. So a few days alter I took the title and form to the DMV. It actually went rather smoothly. But at the same time this idea comes into my head.. "They are trying to wipe out every trace that she ever ever exisited"  I know the legal reasons for having to do all this, but seeing her name brings comfort, so I put the new registration under her old one. Silly maybe, but it helps me. It will always be her car.  
 I only have one or two things to finish up and all the "paperwork" will be done. It seems like an eternity getting all this done though.