Holidays or Hollowdays

This is a copy of an original post from my my old forum

I’ve been dreading  the idea of having to cope with  the holidays that are right upon us.  It still seems so surreal and trying to imagine going through the days ahead is very unsettling.

We’ve done the family Thanksgiving for the past 15 years or so we’ve been in this house.  It just seems too strange to  have it here. I was about at wit’s end as to what to do.  Just wish I could sleep through till February. But there’s no way to avoid it, can’t ignore it, can’t go around it. The only way is to go through it.

Guess the man upstairs was listening to us. Our wonderful, gracious, beautiful neice, Tammy, and her husband John, are going to host the Dinner this year. She and John just bought a beautiful large home right down the road from us. They have plenty of room and Tammy seems so excited about doing this.  I don’t think she’ll ever realize just how much it means to us. The kids seem to feel the same way. I don’t think they wanted to do anything here either. I guess we are being selfish, but we felt like we needed to be able to leave if things got too weird, and we couldn’t have done that if we had it here.
Strange how things work out sometimes… guess we have good connections upstairs Thank you sweety  

And thanks also to my fav sis in law Jan, for all she has done to help make this as comfortable as possible. She’s an angel too.  She’ll never know either how much she means to us.

In a way I’m actually looking forward to Thanksgiving. I am blessed to have such a loving and caring family.

The hard part for me is going to come next Monday, the 29th.
It’s our 24th anniversary.  That is praying on me something fierce. I don’t know how to handle that one.  I keep hoping something will come to me, what I could do to ease the pain of being without my beloved on that special day. I’ve had lots of ideas thrown my way, from my support group,  some friends… and some articles.
someof the ideas include releasing a balloon with a message to my sweety on it, wring a card and burying it in the ground, or set it aflame and let the smoke carry the message to heaven.  Maybe all I will be able to do is cry.. I dunno.  But I’ll do something.  I want to get some roses to take to the site,  maybe spend a little one on one time there.. I did make a little graphic on window decal paper that has our wedding date on it and put it on the headstone.. (I don’t know why I didn’t think of having that put on the monument when we got it… wasn’t thinking too straight)

I don’t even think about Christmas yet.. I block it, just want to get through the next few days..

But I don’t want to make this a grim grief ridden post. I do want to give thanks for so many things.
For having such a supportive, loving family. My great daughters, and son in law, my Mom, my mother and father in law, nieces. brothers in law, and my Favorite sister in law.  I could not have survived without them.
For the good friends who have helped me through these terrible months. Love to you all.
For being fortunate to find the help I needed to keep me somewhat sane.
But I am most thankful for the last 25 years that I had with Gretchen. I have been blessed to have had her love in my life and truly share what so many fail to find.  God I miss her, but the love is eternal,  for that I am  truly thankful

Keep the faith , love you all..
G

Thinking of you today G.  
You and yours are not being selfish you are grieving and that feeling of helplessness and wanting to pull back are just a natural part of it.  God bless your niece and nephew for stepping up to host, that must feel like a big weight off you.  I’ve found that my best friends and my close family always seem to just know when I need them to step in and help.

Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers on your anniversary as well.  I remember how  in a fog I  was this past year on mine.  Was a long emotional day and sort of surreal since it is off the radar screen of everyone but your closest family.

(((((Hugs to you and yours G)))))

Barb

Re: Holidays or Hollowdays « Reply #2 on: Nov 25th, 2004, 7:18pm »

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Thanks Barb,

Al in all it was a pretty good day. We had a good time socializing and cooking and just being together. And yes, bless my niece. She and John and her mom did a great job and made it fun.. It actually felt more like a family get together than a holiday, I guess because we associate Thanksgiving with home.  You’re right it was tremendous weight off of us.   The only thing I wasn’t prepared for was the food.. I mean it was great, but the first thing I tasted, I knew it tasted different than what Gretchen used to make.. Sounds goofy I suppose, but the kids said the same thing.. I had mentally tried to prepare for everything, but here was this out of the blue.. funny how some things pop up to bring it all back. Gave me a small anxiety attack, nothing major.  Like I said no reflection on the food, it was great and the decor and everything was perfect.. and the was a great deal offun and laughter and we couldn’t have asked for anything better.
Again a big heartfelt thanks to Tammy and John for making our day so wonderful , all things considered. I have the most wonderful family anyone could ask for.
hugs to you and colleen

G

Tags: friends, funny, God, Gretchen, Holiday, Love, work