Garazon’s Den

Original post here by Alison on her blog

As long as we live, they too will live;
for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.

The tide recedes, but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down, but gentle warmth still lingers in the land,
The music stops, and yet it echoes on in sweet refrains…
For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains.

The month of August will always be a month that in some ways remain more significant than others for both Chester and myself , its been 4 years now since both of us lost our spouses , the loves we had shared our lives with for so many happy years ,
never dreaming at that time in 2004 we would have another happy day without them , how wrong could we have been , well it certainly wasn’t easy , and for sure we spent many miserable dark gloomy days and nights grieving ,
Throughout that time I really did pray a lot to God , he is always there listening
Nicos and Gretchen , I believe with all of my heart that they were there in heaven together , planning a way to bring the two lost and lonely people they had left behind in the world together to share one very deep and devoted love , And they did , they made sure even though we were a huge Ocean apart that we found each other and found a love that could only be described as heaven sent

Today I didn’t want to stand at a graveside and be sad, I wanted to close my eyes and whisper a prayer of thanks for the love we had and the love we have received now , as the little passage above says in the last line
‘ For every joy that passes ,something beautiful remains ‘ and that beautiful something is the wonderful love Chester and I share today and forever more .

Also the beautiful collection of images on the video I found on You Tube just made me realize that no matter how difficult things can be around us in life , we are strong inside when we have Gods Love , the snow didn’t stop those flowers blooming and neither did the grief stop a new love forming for us , we are truly blessed.

Nicos and Gretchen - , As long as we live, they too will live for they are now a part of us as we remember them.

The Lilac - First emotions of love.. I BELIEVE :)
Two years ago this photo was taken. As you can see from the blooms its a purple lilac. April 2006 was the very first time since it was planted that it bloomed. To be honest at the time it was planted I had no idea of what type of bush it even was. (continue reading…)

It's so quiet around here this Thanksgiving Eve. Usually we were up till midnight finishing up all the cooking and preparations. The aroma of all the food was so thick you could taste it.  I used to tease Gretchen and the girls for going to all the trouble for what I called a "20 minute snack"   , but it was worth it all.  On the night before Thanksgiving,  I would have fixed the collards,  while the girls and Gretchen finished up the last of the desserts.. so much work went into, everyone was always worn out, but it was a labor of love..  
 
This year we just couldn't do anything here. Thankfully our neice and my sis in law got busy and  are going to host the dinner.  They are godsends. My girls got together at the oldest daughters house to fix the pies.  It gives them a chance to be active in the dinner, but not to have to deal with trying to do it here.  I guess we look for what causes the least pain.  
 
I miss the laughter and the fussing and all that went into getting the dinner together.  Sometimes it seemed we weren't going to get it all done, but somehow we did.  
 
d**n this all seems so bizarre. Sometimes it feels like I'm caught in a Twilight Zone episode. Sometimes it feels numb, other times it hurts so much.  
 
 
I miss you bunches baby..  
 
 

This is a copy of an original post from my my old forum

I’ve been dreading  the idea of having to cope with  the holidays that are right upon us.  It still seems so surreal and trying to imagine going through the days ahead is very unsettling.

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This is a copy of an original post from my my old forum

Oh sweety some days it's just so hard. Theres not a day, and hour, a minute goes by that I don't feel the pain and grief.  I wonder at times how much longer I can hang on like this. You were half of me, there's now a hole that will never be filled.  God how I miss your touch.. your hugs, the comfort and love I found in your arms.  I look around and the memories are everywhere. You left us so many. I thank God for them, and you. We were together all the time.  You were my life, how do I go on now? What do I do?  I try to make it hour to hour, I can't even look ahead more than a day at a time. I find myself breaking down at the oddest times. I don't think those who haven't lost a spouse can even begin to know the  how dark a soul can get when their life's love is taken away.  
 I don't like this baby. It's not right, it's unfair and I hate having to go on without you. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything like that, but the desire to live is no where to be found.  I guess I'm just having a self pity party tonight. I just want to talk to you, and hug you and kiss you good night.
I miss you so much Gretchen,  
 
Loving you always
Chester

This is an original post from my my old forum

I have had a few instances and occurences happen over the last couple of months, maybe they are just coincidence, but I like to think that they are signs she sends to let me know she's there. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but it helps me get through.

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This is an original post from my my old forum

It's been rough having to go through all the steps necessary to set things right on paper. I had support the first few days with my Mom starting the paperwork process with the insurance , social security and our retirment account at work. I've had to contact all the financial people, banks, loans etc and report her death and have her name removed from the accounts. Luckily most everything was held jointly so all ahs gone smoothly, although each time I contacted someone it took a heavy toll on me. I had to space things out to one every few days. I just couldn't deal with more than that.  
 The only thing that was solely in her name was her car. I had to apply for a title transfer, made easier by visiting the clerk of court who prepared the necessary paperwork for me to take to the DMV. Luckily Gretchen and the clerk of courts had gone to school together, so this made it so much easier to deal with knowing I was with someone who knew Gretchen and thought a lot about her. So a few days alter I took the title and form to the DMV. It actually went rather smoothly. But at the same time this idea comes into my head.. "They are trying to wipe out every trace that she ever ever exisited"  I know the legal reasons for having to do all this, but seeing her name brings comfort, so I put the new registration under her old one. Silly maybe, but it helps me. It will always be her car.  
 I only have one or two things to finish up and all the "paperwork" will be done. It seems like an eternity getting all this done though.

 This is an original post from my my old forum

Gretchen has always had this thing about calendars. She had all the family and friends birthdays listed and marked, wedding anniversaries, anniversaries of deaths, Dr's appts, work schedules..etc.. And she also used them to keep track of "special events" school events for the kids and grandkids (like she would forget those? )  

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This is an original post from my my old forum

Looking back, I guess I was still in a somewhat state of shock during the first few days.  The day is still mostly a blur. The things I remember:
 
Getting dressed: I remember putting on my suit and thinking back to the time that I bought it.  When Gretchen's grandmother died a few years ago, I didn't have a suit that fitted me. The only one I had was one from when we were first married, and our social life never really involved a lot of dressing up.. So of course that one was way too small.  So we went out to buy one. Gretchen helped me pick it out.  Weird the things that come to your mind during times like this..  

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 This is an original post from my my old forum

So many times we take the little things in life for granted.  

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